Hello everyone,
Some might already know what has happened to me and why; others might not.
Based on how well you've known me, it could hit you a little hard to find out that I am no more. If you are a normal-minded person, you will probably not understand any of my recent decisions. I am pretty sure though, that if you were in my position in life, you would end it all sooner or later too.
Reasons
I had a few reasons to do what I did.
Graffiti
First, something that a lot of people know about is my love for graffiti.
It is something that I started in 2021 and I have become addicted to it more and more over the time I have been doing it.
Again, this is something others might not understand, but for me, the idea of having my name up on the streets is something amazing.
Just the general idea of leaving a mark on this world is great to me. Even I do not know why that is the case; that is just how I am.
After around a year of doing graffiti just for fun, I realized that it was something that I was actually starting to take more seriously than I ever expected.
I ended up improving my styles and skills while documenting everything on my TikTok account, which back then wasn't really popular.
Skipping forward to the 27th of May 2023, that is at least the date I believe it occurred, when I first discovered that the closed factory in my village
(Google Maps) owned by Thurella AG (Website Capture from WaybackMachine, website returns 302 at the time of writing)
did not have the main entrance locked properly, so my spontaneous mind decided to enter the unused building.
Due to my obsession with graffiti at that time, I was carrying a few cans and markers with me, as always.
And now you can probably guess what I did in there. And not once; I went back to the building multiple times with friends whose names I will not mention here.
That was the start of the most illegal part of my life. I started climbing cranes and entering other abandoned buildings, obviously leaving behind some of my colors there.
That was also when I started to think about the future of this, since I wanted to continue because of the fun and adrenaline.
How long can I do this without getting caught? What will the consequences be?
In the end, I came to the conclusion that if I ever get caught, I will wait for the consequences and then determine if it is possible to live with them or not.
Fast forward to the 6th of November 2023 at approximately 6:15 in the morning, when the doorbell rang and a few policemen entered our house and took me to their headquarters for a questioning.
They also did the worst thing that could have happened: they took my phone. As of now, where I am still alive (writing this text),
I am still mad about my own stupidity for not having erased/factory resetted my phone as soon as I heard the police's words at our door.
If I would have done that, everything would be different and this text would never have been written.
You might think: Why the fuck would you end your life just because the police got your phone? Quick answer: I got some VERY horrible things on there.
Some of my illegal trips to abandoned places, some of my illegal art, some illegal photos and videos, and more.
Again, you probably can not imagine this being a valid reason for ending your own life,
but as I have already said, if you were me, the chances that you would do the same as me are very high.
That was my main reason for suicide.
And no, it was not just a quick decision that I made; I have been planning this for at least a year now.
Future of my life
This is my second reason for taking my life. My visions for my future were big, but I quickly realized that with my addiction to doing illegal things, the entire thing would become hard.
Past of my life
The past of my life (until I got caught doing what I was doing) was not a reason for suicide at all. I had an amazing life with the best parents, family and friends I could have imagined. I was the happy person that I wanted to be.
Suicide
My suicide will work like this: - Well, it will have happened like this, since you will not be reading this before it happens.
I will first sneak out of my house, taking some markers and my phone with me, and go tag everything that I have ever wanted to tag. And then the train will separate my head and body.
Conclusion
Do not be sad about my death; be happy that I have lived for almost fifteen years, and remember the good times you have had with me. I thank every single one of you for what you have done.
I also realized: I probably would not be writing this text if I did not have autism.
Special Thanks
| Name | Note |
|---|---|
| Diana | You are absolutely the best person in this world; you are the reason for the good part of my life, you are the reason why I kept going for so long, you are the reason why I was, who I was. Thank you so much. You tried your best; it was way more than you would have been required to do. I have removed a large part of my website, but there is something that I left on here on purpose. Click me to view. |
| Roman | The best example of a good father. You have given me everything I wanted (mostly). Especially, you have given me everything that I needed. That is everything that matters. Even though I never could express my feelings to you like I would have wanted, I still had them. What you have done for me is exceeding all my expectations by far. Thank you over a thousand times. |
| Rosmarie, Hans/Alfred | You all were amazing. I had great experiences with each one of you. Even though you all were not always happy, around me you were. That made me extremely happy. |
| Helen, Eduard | You two always were so nice to me. It is really hard to express what I feel in words, but let us just say that it is extraordinarily great. |
| Everyone else from my family | Some of you all I have known better, some I only have seen a few times. And I appreciate every single moment. |
| Damiano |
You have given me a lot of self-confidence and trust in myself. We had a lot of fun together, and I will never forget you. Thanks for always being here for me. I almost forgot: I would love to gift you my entire setup, including my 165 Hz monitor, keyboard, mouse, all computers/laptops and other equipment. You deserve it the most. |
| Andrin | Thank you so much for the great childhood experiences we had together. Sadly, I was never able to beat you in Super Mario. |
| Mariusz |
nigga you one of the greatest people to have ever existed!!1 Jokes aside, without you I would be a TOTALLY different person. Keep the FL grinding up though, your randomly named .wav files were tuff as fck! |
| Ben | I have known you for a little more than one and a half years, but you still managed to get a special place in my heart. Thank you a lot. |
| Levin | Very cool person frfr - Keep practicing that style, legal or not, I do not care. Ruin them streets (in the eyes of the feds)!! |
| Lorena |
i bet yo ass be cryin while readin this 😭 nahh i dont even care cuz like i would be sobbin asf too if u did the unaliving 💯💯 on god tho (i dont believe in god but u know what im tryna say) you a hella fine person, make sure to keep it that way 🙏🏿❤ |
| 144 | Best person I have ever met on the internet. You made me a better programmer and made me happy each time you wrote something to me. If you somehow decide not to commit suicide after I have done it, I wish you the best for your future. Else, we will be dead together. |
| Blanka | You were my 2nd favorite person outside of Switzerland. Your looks, your character, your humor—it was nice knowing you! |
| Ernest | Funniest Polish person! Ain't got more to say except: I'm kinda sad that Pussython was never finished :( |
| Everyone else |
I have had contact with so many people in my life that it would be impossible to write down each name and some text. So here's a global message to everyone: Classmates: To each classmate, I am incredibly thanlful because y'all have impacted my behaviour and character a lot! Internet Friends: To each person I have met on the internet, thanks for talking to me. The internet is truly a great place. It's also dangerous, though; use NordVPN or sum idk Every other person that I have known: You may not even know me. Still, be who you are and keep life on a legal way! |